Looking Back

It has certainly been an interesting 2 months...and come to think of it a long and interesting year.  Life certainly doesn't go the way you plan but, as I am slowly learning, it does go the way God planned.  With my birthday being last week I really thought about where the year had taken me.  If anyone had asked me a year ago what I would be doing now I wouldn't have said "Living in Utah (in a foot of snow btw) preparing to go to Grad school."  Getting to Utah has been a long personal journey in which I have discovered so much about myself and come to rely on the Lord and His plan.  It's been a journey of heartache, loneliness, confusion, doubt, anger, and some happiness thrown in once in a while.  As I look back and wonder how I made it through I realize that it was the people around me who loved me and my foundation of faith that I had been building throughout my whole life.  The habits I had developed of praying and reading my scriptures daily, going to Church, participating in FHE, firesides, and other activities, and the testimony that I am a daughter of God are what carried me through.  On days when I questioned what the point was and questioned the Lord's awareness of me and my problems that foundation held strong.  President Henry B. Eyring said "If the foundation of faith is not embedded in our hearts, the power to endure will crumble."  When I read that I realized that I did have a faith embedded in my heart.  That is how I have endured this difficult personal journey.  And now that foundation is even stronger!  Through my struggles I have realized who I really am and my potential.  Not only have I realized who I am but I am comfortable with who I am.  It's okay if those around me are getting married, finished with school, working real jobs, having children; those blessing will someday be available to me.  I have learned that I can take a leap of faith.  I've learned that the Lord is ALWAYS there.  ALWAYS.  He loves me and I am deserving of that love.  I've learned that the Lord trusts me to make my own decisions.  He's letting me pursue the degree and career I think is right.  All I know is that He wants me to be in Utah.  While it's difficult for me to not know why Utah or what is going to happen in the next few months I can confidently say that I know the Lord will provide.  I know He has a plan and a will for me, and that wasn't something I could confidently say a year ago.  I know that my family loves me and will always be there.  My parents encourage and support my decisions.  I know who of my friends I can rely on at all times.

I know that this past year's trials won't be the only trials I will have.  But theses trials have made me a stronger and better person.  My testimony is stronger, I have more faith, I know that I am where the Lord wants me to be therefore everything will work out.  I went to an Institute Forum this past Wednesday and the speaker said "Nothing ever works with Plan A.  Keep going.  You may find out that your Plan E was God's Plan A."  Keep going.  That's what I'm going to do.  And hopefully next year I will have even more faith and a stronger foundation.  President Eyring also said "If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing."  How true.  This past year has been one of the hardest in my life but looking back through the suffering I realize it has also been a blessing and great learning period for me.  Who knows what this next year has in store for me but whatever it is I am excited.