Miracle

Working in the NICU has really opened my eyes to how amazing the miracle of life is. It is a amazing to me that a baby can be born full term and have the ability to breathe one her own, regulate her heart beat and body temperature, and eat on her own without cues. But then there is the baby who came too early and can't do any of that. And he's hooked up to monitors that beep every five seconds and the gavage tube that runs through his nose and feeds him because he hasn't quite mastered the idea of sucking. And the baby is so little that I'm honestly afraid I will break her when I hold her. The twin boys who sleep in the same crib all cuddled up to each other and it's the cutest thing ever. The baby girl who was so close to going home but then stopped breathing for a while so now the parents have to wait another week before they can try and take her home.

The parents. The moms and dads who come in on their breaks or the moms who are there all day. The parents who on the outside look like they are fine but you know deep down they are probably freaking out. They feed and hold their babies as much as they can. The parents who can only hold their baby for an hour or so because too much stimulation distresses them. The mom who is really needy and questions everything the doctors do and can sometimes really frustrate the nurses and doctors but then you find out that this is her fourth premature baby and the other three didn't survive. And you realize that she just wants to take a baby home. Then there is the exciting day when the baby is taking all his food orally and he passes his car seat test and his parents room in and get to take him home. Oh the excitement of the parents and nurses when, after so many weeks of leaving without a baby, Mom and Dad put their baby in his car seat and walk out the doors of the NICU.

Then there is the baby who is born premature most likely because of her mother's drug and alcohol use while pregnant. And now she is 15 months old and visited by the occupational therapist twice a week. She doesn't crawl let alone walk yet and is fed through a tube in her stomach and its a struggle to get her to eat solid foods. The frustration I feel with this young mom who may be trying her best but it doesn't look like it. How I want to yell "Stop texting and talking on your cell phone!!!" while we discuss and teach her out to help her baby learn to eat and crawl and walk. And this baby is so adorable and just want her to have a good life. And I begin to realize how much you really can't control or change someone.

These little babies who struggle for life. Struggle to live. These parents who sit by their cribs and speak words of encouragement and hold and feed them when they can. They amaze me. And now when I hold a baby born at full term and she's not hooked up to monitors and she's BIG I appreciate it so much more. So to those little babies I say keep going. You'll get there, someday you'll be big and it will be a miracle.